YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE THIS MILK JUG.
IT'S A BIT LIKE A MUG.

HE'S SURROUNDED BY BOUNCERS.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE MAN WHO CAME UP
TO ASK FOR MY AUTOGRAPH?

- ALAN, YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
- WHO-OO...

"THE EAGLE HAS LANDED."

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.
I'LL DO A QUICK FIX ON IT FOR NOW, AND...

THEY'VE TAKEN A BIT OF A POUNDING OVER THE YEARS.
IN FACT, CAN YOU GET ME SOME NEW ONES, PLEASE?

"I'VE GOT TO SORT OUT ALAN'S PROBLEMS!"

ALAN, WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE NERVOUS.

THERE GOES ALAN PARTRIDGE,
LICENSED TO KILL...TIME BY WATCHING VIDEOS.

BILL ODDIE GAVE ME A DRESSING GOWN
AS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

IF IT WAS JUST POTATOES THAT WERE AFFECTED,

SORRY.

- I'M PUTTING SOMETHING BACK.
- STILL ANNOYED ABOUT THAT BOOK?

# TAKE A PINCH OF WHITE MAN #

- IS YOUR MOTHER'S MONEY COMING THROUGH?
- YES.

HE IS AN EX-SNOOKER PLAYER
AND IS AN UNKNOWN QUANTITY.

YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND GUILTY OF...