I PRESENT A MILITARY-BASED QUIZ SHOW
ON A DAYTIME DIGITAL CHANNEL CALLED UK CONQUEST.

BYE.

I'M NOT DRIVING A MINI METRO, I'M NOT DRIVING
A MINI METRO, I'M NOT DRIVING A MINI METRO.

- HOW'S THAT?
- YEAH, THAT'LL DO.

JUST GIVE THAT A QUICK CLEAN.

I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE.
L HOST "NORFOLK NIGHTS" ON RADIO NORWICH

DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU
HOW TO PRESS THE BUTTON THAT SAYS "NO"?

I DON'T AGREE, HE'D GO TO LEGOLAND. BYE.

DIED OF SYPHILIS, HE DID.
SO THERE IS SOME JUSTICE.

I PREFER DAVID ATTENBOROUGH.
HE'S MORE HONEST. HE INTERVIEWS REAL MICE.

IT'S A COFFEE SHOP, BUT ONE MAN SAYS
TO ANOTHER MAN, "YOU CAN'T HAVE A COFFEE..."

YEAH.

IF I WAS YOUNG AND MORE ATTRACTIVE?

DO YOU DENY THAT?

- I AM ALL YOURS!
- DO YOU MIND IF I TURN THE LIGHT OUT?

EXCELLENT.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU AN EXAMPLE
OF THE KIND OF SELL-THROUGH VIDEO THAT I MAKE.

(80'S-STYLE SYNTHESIS MUSIC)