(CREAKING)

DO YOU FANCY A CUP
OF DELICIOUS MICROWAVEABLE SOUP?

- HELLO.
- I'M NOT VERY HAPPY,

CAROL, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE IN ALAN'S CORPORATE VIDEO?

- THAT'S CUSTOMS AND EXCISE.
- RIGHT.

YOU'RE MY PA AND YOU'RE INVITING ME
TO A RELIGIOUS WET T-SHIRT COMPETITION.

(WOMAN) "I ENJOYED "THE HOBBIT"
MORE THAN "RIVERDANCE"

IDEA FOR A PROGRAMME,
"LADY SHAPES WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE".

THEN HE SPIES THAT COOKBOOK
AND SAYS, "IT'D BE NAE USE TO ME"!

# AND HE PAINTED MATCHSTALK MEN
AND MATCHSTALK CATS AND DOGS

WHY?

- THERE'S SONJA TALKING TO THE BUILDERS.
- OH, GOD!

HE'S DEAD NOW.

KATE FITZGERALD'S BOOK, "SOMEONE ELSE",
CHARTS A JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY

# AND PARTS OF ANCOATS WHERE I USED TO PLAY

I THOUGHT THAT'D THROW YOU.

I'VE NOT THOUGHT IT THROUGH, LYNN.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

HA-HA. YOU DAFT RACIST!