ALAN, THERE'S SOME NICE HOUSES AROUND HERE.

REMEMBER THE BREATHING TECHNIQUES
FROM TAPE ONE. PLEASE RELAX,

I'M GOING.

OK. JUST FOLD THIS TABLE AWAY.
YOU SHOULD FEEL IT CLIP IN THE HOUSING.

AND PRESS ON YOUR CHEST
WHAT YOU'RE TYING TO SAY.

IT'S TERRIBLE YOU HAVE TO FILL IT
WITH SWEARING ON YOUR SHOW.

YES.

- OR THEY'LL DECLARE YOU BANKRUPT ON FRIDAY.
- RIGHT.

# LIFE, IT'S THE NAME OF THE GAME,

OH, NO. THAT'S THE COWARD'S WAY OUT, MAN.

.."I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE".

- I'VE REALLY GOT TO GO, ALAN.
- I'LL DO IT NOW.

- WHAT'S THAT?
- A BUILD-UP OF FATTY DEPOSITS OVER THE BELT LINE.

AAGH!

YOUR MISSION.. GO TO CARDIFF, HAVE FULL SEX
WITH A WOMAN, COME BACK ON THE COACH.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO HIT THAT LATER...TO FINISH.

ALAN, TAKE HER TO HOSPITAL AND WE'LL CHAT LATER.

OOH, I'D LOVE TO HAVE IT OFF WITH HER.