YOU IGNORANT SHIT!

- ALAN PARTRIDGE.
- DAN MOODY.

I'LL HAVE THE COFFEE JAR, AND THERE YOU GO, ALAN.

EASY TO CONFUSE THE TWO. SOMETIMES PEOPLE
CAN END UP TALKING OUT OF THEIR ARSE, ALAN.

HELLO. THE GENTLEMEN
FROM THE CORPORATE VIDEO ARE ON THEIR WAY.

NO. WE WERE STUCK IN THE FOYER...

I'M IN A STATIC HOME WITH THREE WOMEN.

- WHAT PART OF BIRMINGHAM ARE YOU FROM?
- I'M FROM SOUTH AFRICA.

UM... I KNOW. THERE'S A COPY OF MY BOOK
BEHIND RECEPTION. CAN YOU SEE IT?

THE MAN IS MENTALLY ILL.

- MY HOUSE? THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY.
- I'D LIKE TO SEE IT.

I'VE MADE YOU A HELICOPTER LANDING PAD.

SUSAN, CAN YOU MAKE
PORNOGRAPHY COME ON MY TELLY, PLEASE?

THEY WERE, ACTUALLY.
I WAS REPELLENT TO WOMEN FOR TWO YEARS.

A GIANT MICROWAVE
AND YOU CAN JUST POP A WITCH IN IT. HORRIFIC!

(JILL) HANG ON, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. OOOH!

IDENTIFY THE HOSTAGES AND TAKE OUT THE TERRORISTS.

- SHALL WE START?
- YES.