(HOOTER BLASTS)

I, ALAN PARTRIDGE,
TALK TO M.E. SUFFERERS ABOUT THEIR CONDITION.

(MUSIC)

- YOU'D MAKE A GOOD JAMES BOND.
- REALLY?

GET RID OF IT.

AND YOUR MEETING
WITH PIET MORANT FROM DANTE FIRES.

REMEMBER THE BREATHING TECHNIQUES
FROM TAPE ONE. PLEASE RELAX,

SNAZZY HEADSTONE THERE.

- YES.
- LISTEN.

THEY WOULDN'T KNOW A GOOD IDEA
IF I HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT

- I CAN SEE YOU'RE ENJOYING IT.
- YEAH!

LISTEN, JUST TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP, YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU MAKE THOSE SORT OF RISQUE COMMENTS,

THAT'S SUCH A POINTLESS DEATH.

FOUR TEAS, PLEASE.

LET'S SADDLE OUR HORSES AND GET OURSELVES
A CURLY CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE

- IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, AND LOVE IS IN THE AIR?
- AYE, AYE!

TO THE PETROL STATION.

- GUM?
- YEAH. CHEERS.