RUDDY HELL, IT'S SOFT CELL.
(MUSIC.. "TAINTED LOVE")

I WONDER HOW THEY GET THOSE SWORDS
THROUGH CUSTOMS.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN ENQUIRY
ABOUT TWO SUPPLEMENTARY AUXILIARY SPEAKERS

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN UPSTAGE JILL BY WEARING THAT,
YOU'RE VERY MUCH MISTAKEN.

ALAN, WHEN IS YOUR BOOK BEING DESTROYED?

THAT MAY VERY, VERY WELL BE
BECAUSE I'M ON MORPHINE.

YES. LET'S SMOOTH THINGS OVER
WITH MORE FROM MONTEVERDI'S "VESPERS".

SO YOU ASKED HER TO PULL OVER,

INDEED, DISUSED COTTON MILK
AND LEGALISED HARD-CORE PORNOGRAPHY

GORDON? I HOPE HE'S NOT DOING THE DUNKING.
I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE DUNKED BY A POLICEMAN.

THEY'VE RE-BADGED IT, YOU FOOL!

THANK YOU FOR THE TRAVEL CLOCK.

- NO, LOOK, LOOK.
- FOUR WORDS.

WE'RE NOT, YOU ARE.
I DON'T MEAN YOU'VE GOT CANCER.

- HOW WAS YOUR...?
- BAM!

ANYONE WHO KNOWS US
MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS ME INSIDE THERE.

(APPLAUSE)

IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S SEVEN O'CLOCK.