I LIKE "GOLDFINGER". THAT BIT
WHERE THE LASER BEAM'S GOING UP HIS JAFFAS.

- WHERE'S SHE GONE?
- SHE DROVE OFF.

DON'T FORGET TO RINSE THE BATH.
USE THE SHOWER NOZZLE TO BLAST OFF THE SCUM.

IT'S SIMPLY... A COCKEREL, I MEAN.
IT'S SIMPLY A WAY OF SAYING IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.

IT'S ABOUT THIS LOCAL FELLA WHAT USED TO BE ON TV
BUT HE WASN'T VERY GOOD, SO NOW HE'S NOT.

WE CAN BE LIKE "THELMA AND LOUISE".

I PRESENT A MILITARY-BASED QUIZ SHOW
ON A DAYTIME DIGITAL CHANNEL CALLED UK CONQUEST.

- LOVELY. IT'S LIKE A SAVOURY 99.
- AYE.

THAT'S LOVELY. THAT'S FIRST-CLASS.

- IT'S SUE COOK.
- WHAT DOES SHE WANT?

- HE LIKES AMERICAN STUFF.
- OH.

- HAS HE GIVEN YOU ANOTHER SERIES?
- NO, HE WON'T GIVE ME ONE.

BUT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT
IT STICKS IN HIS BACK AND HE DIES ON THE HORSE

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- I DON'T KNOW.

ME WEARING A BEAR COSTUME.
THEY'D THINK I'D LOST IT AGAIN.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, I AM
THE CHIEF COMMISSIONING EDITOR OF BBC TELEVISION.

MICHAEL, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

- I TEACH HERE.
- I SEE.