IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.

UM, I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU WANTED TO GO FOR A DRINK.

YES, INDEED. MY NAME'S DAVE CLIFTON,
AND THERE GOES ALAN PARTRIDGE -

LYNN, LYNN, YOU SPEAK TO HER.

NOW, YESTERDAY,
I TROD IN A RATHER LARGE FARMER'S PAT

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS?
- ALL RIGHT?

AND THEY'LL PROBABLY LOOK BLANKLY AT YOU... HELLO?

WHY HAVE YOU GOT A SHOWER CURTAIN ON?

AND YOUR MEETING
WITH PIET MORANT FROM DANTE FIRES.

YES, I KNOW. IT'S JUST A JOKE.

- AND LEAVE IT ON THE SPIKE?
- PULL IT OFF THE SPIKE.

"OOH, SHALL I SIT THERE OR THERE?
OOH, AM I LIKE A LITTLE MOUSE?"

- WHAT IS COCKNEY?
- AN AREA IN LONDON WHERE CRIMINALS LIVE.

GUESS WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO LADIES
I'M GOING TO MAKE LOVE WITH NOW.

IN NORWICH...FOR A BIT.

- THERE'S NO POINT IN FINISHING THE SENTENCE.
- BUT IF YOU...

DIVORCED. I'VE GOT ACCESS TO THE KIDS,
BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE ME.

THAT'S WHY I'M TALKING.