THE WOMAN WITH THE OLD TADGER...

WASN'T PLEASANT.

- CAN I WATCH "POIROT" ON UK GOLD?
- AS LONG AS YOU POP THE EARPHONES ON.

YOU DO GET THAT, BUT YOU ALSO GET MY VOICE.

ALAN, THIS IS PETER LINEHAN.
HE'S REVAMPING OUR CURRENT AFFAIRS OUTPUT.

IT'S NOT A CRANK CALL.
WHY HAVE YOU PUT IT ON THERE?

CAN WE HAVE FOUR FULL BRITISH ISLES
BREAKFASTS, PLEASE?

OK. IF YOU'VE JUST JOINED US,
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT WHO IS THE BEST LORD.

NO MOBILE PHONE.
BATTERIES OUT OF YOUR PAGER.

L CARRIED ON BUYING YOUR TOMATOES.

WHO CHOP PEOPLE'S HEADS OFF, SET FIRE
TO THEIR EYEBROWS AND KNOCK PEOPLE'S TEETH OUT

BY RANDY MCNAB!

BONO!

- OK. ALAN, I LOVE YOU.
- THANKS A LOT.

MAYBE IF IT WAS VIBRATING PHONE,
IT WOULD BE QUITE PLEASANT!

- FIRST YEAR OVER.
- YEAH.

I SUPPOSE IF I WAS A BURGLAR
AND I WANTED TO AVOID DETECTION

IDEA FOR A PROGRAMME,
"LADY SHAPES WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE".