WITH BBC COMMISSIONING POLICY,

£200,OOO A YEAR.

JUST HAVING SOME HYGIENIC SNOGGING.

I SAY TELESCOPIC DAMPERS. I MEAN RIGID STAYS.

I'LL JUST WRITE THAT DOWN.

MORE BAD NEWS, I'M AFRAID. THE ACTRESS
PLAYING YOUR WIFE CAN'T DO THE FILMING TODAY.

- CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FOOT...
- I WAS JUST GOING TO DO A COCKNEY WALK.

- GOOD MORNING, ALAN. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
- CLASSIC QUEEN!

YOU'VE MISSED A BIT.

THE TERRORIST IS DISORIENTED
FROM THE STUN GRENADES.

PROGRAMMES ABOUT STORMS? GET A LIFE.

(APPLAUSE)

(YELLED INSULTS)

SOME OF THE BOXES ARE A BIT FADED

GRAB A PEW.

SUCK MY SUCH AND SUCH.

I WON'T BE ON IN THE MORNING, BECAUSE I'M DOING
LATES NOW, SO I DON'T COME ON TILL TWO O'CLOCK.

- DID HE LEAVE A FIRST NAME?
- NO.