WHEN I SAT DOWN, I LOOKED UP AND REALISED
IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN PETER PURVES.

OPENING SEQUENCE - ME IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE
FEEDING THE PIGEONS, GOING, "OH, GOD!"

I DO LIKE THAT TOILET. IT'S VERY FUTURISTIC, ISN'T IT?
VERY HIGH TECH, SPACE AGE.

YEAH, ALAN, I'D LIKE THAT, YEAH.

"BUT ON A MOTORWAY, IN FIFTH GEAR,
THE MEGANE'S SLOW PACE REALLY BECOMES A PAIN.

NEVER YOU MIND, ALAN.

I'M EARNING MORE THAN YOU THINK.
I'M HEAD OF MODERN LANGUAGES.

I COULD HAVE BEEN R2-D2.

# HE PAINTED SALFORD'S SMOKY TOPS
ON CARDBOARD BOXES FROM THE SHOPS

AYE.

CAUSING A LITTLE CONCERN
FOR THESE LOCAL FARMERS I CHATTED TO,

- ARE YOU NOT HAVING ANY BACON?
- NO, I'M VEGETARIAN.

THANK YOU VEY MUCH INDEED.
KISS MY FACE!

HELLO, COMMUTERS WITH YOUR COMPUTERS.

WHY HAVE YOU GOT BISCUITS
SELLOTAPED TO YOUR FACE?

WITH LANDLORDS, WITH FARMERS.

- YOU CAN SIT ON ALAN'S FACE. IT'S A JOKE.
- IT'S A FILTHY JOKE! ALAN IS HITTING YOU.

AND PETER BAXENDALE THOMAS
OF THE NORFOLK FARMERS' UNION.