HI, I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE AND I DRIVE A CAR,
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

- THE RETIRED POLICEMAN WHO'S NOT A CON MAN?
- YES.

I'LL JUST WRITE THAT DOWN.

MICHAEL, IF HE HITS ME, WILL YOU HIT HIM?

SHE STUCK TO HER GUNS WITH ALL THAT
RIGHT TO THE END, EVEN ON THE LAST DAY.

- COULD WE SEE THE RECEIPTS ON YOUR SPIKE?
- YES. I HAVE A CONFESSION.

I NEARLY SENT MY SON FERNANDO HERE,
BUT I WAS ABLE TO EDUCATE HIM PRIVATELY.

OR, AS THE AMERICANS SAY, "FI-I-IVE."

EVEN THOUGH, FROM THE PROMOTIONAL VIDEO,
I CAN SEE I WOULD HAVE A RUDDY GOOD TIME.

- GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO DO IT.
- YEAH!

"KOJAK"!

HAS YOUR MOTHER'S DEATH JUST HIT YOU?

LIVE TV CAN BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE.

- BY ALL MEANS.
- WHERE IS IT?

DID YOU SEND SOPHIE A VALENTINE'S CARD?

IT'S NOT A CRANK CALL.
WHY HAVE YOU PUT IT ON THERE?

- WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING LIKE THAT?
- IT'S A VOICE BOX.

I COULD STRAP SAUSAGES TO MY FINGERS.