SORT OF LEAN ON THE WALL.

ALAN, I JUST WANT YOU TO STAND BY ME
WITH A TOWEL TO HELP ME DRY MYSELF.

L WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF SHE WENT
AND OPENED UP HER CHEST,

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ALAN'S LOVE BUD.

YOU FILL IN THE POND WITH CONCRETE,
PLOUGH THE FAMILY INTO THE FIELD,

"LET DIE", "GOLDEN", "RAKER"
"EYES ONLY", "PUSSY", "DAYLIGHT'S".

WOLVES AT THE DOOR. YOU'LL HUFF
AND YOU'LL PUFF AND... WHERE'S THE OTHER PIG?

- WAS "BANGKOK CHICK-BOYS" GOOD?
- I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T SEE IT.

FOSTER'S MENSWEAR SAID YES -
IF YOU GET THE SECOND SERIES

- HI. I'M PATRICIA LESSING.
- KAREN COLMAN. NICE OF YOU TO COME.

- WITH THE EGG...
- TOO CLOSE TO THE BEANS.

IT'S YOU, ISN'T IT? YOU'RE ALAN PARTRIDGE.

- TELL HER I'M NOT HERE.
- HE'S NOT HERE.

NO. THAT'S A RAZOR.
COULD HAVE DONE WITH THAT FOR THE CRACKLING.

(LIFT BELL DINGS)

MY PEEPHOLE PRINGLE IS MODELLED
ON AN SAS BALACLAVA.

AFTER SIX HOURS OF SURGERY,
THE HAND WAS SEWN BACK ON.

OH, ANYTHING REALLY, YOU KNOW.
FRANK SINATRA. KURT COBAIN.