I'M AFRAID I NEED TO WATCH MY FIGURE.

YOU'VE GONE AGAIN! GOODNIGHT.

- WE GOT EGGS, WE GOT CHICKEN...
- WHICH CAME FIRST?

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ALAN'S "FACT OF THE DAY".

CASHBACK.

I'D BEEN ASLEEP FOR EIGHT HOURS LIKE THAT.

BIG BIRD.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO, JUST ASK.

I'VE CALMED DOWN NOW.

- AYE, IT IS.
- MICHAEL, CAN I HAVE A DRINK?

"AND I THINK LOTS OF BOYS ON AN ISLAND
KILLING A FAT BOY"

I TELL YOU WHO I'D LIKE TO PUT IN THE STOCKS.

WHERE'S EVERYBODY ELSE?

OR YOU CAN TAKE A HEAD SHOT.
AGAIN, HE'S GOING DOWN.

- ARE YOU ALAN PARTRIDGE?
YES.

I THINK YOU'RE SPLITTING HAIRS.

IF YOU WANTED A TWIX, I'D STICK ONE IN YOUR EYE,
ONE IN YOUR EAR AND ONE UP YOUR BUM.

"F RAPHAEL." FUNNY. I USED TO HAVE
A TEACHER AT SCHOOL CALLED FRANK RAPHAEL.