JUST TALKING ABOUT COWS.

- FARFALLE.
- YEAH, THAT WITH ACTION MAN BOW-TIE.

- ALL RIGHT, LADS?
- ALL RIGHT, ALAN.

- NO, SHE'S FINE.
- RIGHT.

- WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FINGERS?
- THEY'RE TUNGSTEN-TIPPED SCREWS.

ALL RIGHT, MY LOVE?

I'LL PUT THE KETTLE ON.

AT THE END OF THE WEEK
I'M MEETING TONY HAYERS AT THE BBC.

- HELLO, ALAN.
- HELLO.

OH, GREAT.

BUT TWO YEARS AGO, I WAS A MESS.
I'D PUT ON WEIGHT. I HAD BREASTS.

- YOU'VE GOT THE COMMON TOUCH.
- THANK YOU.

SHE WAS A BIG WOMAN. I'M TEMPTED TO SAY
SHE WAS BIG-HEARTED, BUT THAT WOULD BE BULLSHIT.

NO.

- ARE YOU MARRIED?
- YEAH.

"OOH, THIS SMELLS OF," I DON'T KNOW, "BASIL".

- ALISON'S WHAT WE CALLED YOU.
- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

IT'S 11 P.M. TIME FOR "ALAN'S LOVE ASYLUM".