I GOT THEM FROM A CYCLING TEST CENTRE.

IT'S NOT BOLLOCKS.
YOUR PROGRAMMES WERE APPALLING.

OK, RIGHT. ALAN ATTACK! LIKE THE "COOK REPORT"

COME BACK! I'LL RIP YOUR BLOODY HEAD OFF!

- JANE.
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.

BECAUSE IN REAL LIFE YOU SAY "SPLITTING."

ALAN, I SPILT SUNNY DELIGHT
ALL OVER YOUR JAMES BOND VIDEOS.

HE THOUGHT, ''YES, I WILL BUY
THAT COPY OF 'PUNCH' MAGAZINE''.

EXCEPT I CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE

OPENING SEQUENCE - ME IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE
FEEDING THE PIGEONS, GOING, "OH, GOD!"

IT'S ALAN PARTRIDGE. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

CAN I HAVE IT BACK? THANKS.

YOUR COMMENTS WERE ILL-FOUNDED.
THEY WERE DEEPLY IGNORANT,

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CLIMBING OVER A FENCE.

THAT'S IRRELEVANT. EXCUSE ME.

SO HOW'S IT HANGING? YES, I DRESS ON THE LEFT TOO!

YOU ONCE CANED ME FOR HAVING A CHALK PENIS
DRAWN ON THE BACK OF MY BLAZER.

JUST TYING TO THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY.