I'D BEEN ASLEEP FOR EIGHT HOURS LIKE THAT.

WE INTERSPERSE IT WITH THEIR FAVOURITE POP SONGS,
MAKE IT LIGHT-HEARTED, GIVE THEM A PLATFORM.

SURE. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE SET-UP HERE.

HI, I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE AND I DRIVE A CAR,
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

BUT THAT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU CAN
SEE FROM...OH, WHAT ARE THEY CALLED?

THEN I'D FLY TO CORNWALL
AND SMASH INTO THE SEA IN A BALL OF FLAMES.

IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.

- I'M HAVING A BARBECUE, FANCY COMING OVER?
- I'D LOVE TO!

RIGHT, SONJA. LET'S SORT THIS TIMETABLE OUT.

- NO,
- WHAT?

I HAD NO SHOES.
YOU CAN'T SEE "SHREK" IN YOUR BARE FEET.

BUT WITH EXCELLENT FACILITIES...AS HAD THE NAZIS.

SUPER-BEINGS, REALLY.

- AND LEAVE IT ON THE SPIKE?
- PULL IT OFF THE SPIKE.

LIVE TV CAN BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE.

- IS IT A GOOD FILM?
- I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

OK.

WHO SMILES AT A BLACK & DECKER WORKMATE
FOR GOODNESS SAKE?