THIS COOKERY BOOK WOULDN'T BE MUCH USE TO ME!

THAT MEANS THERE WILL BE NOISE
OR THERE WON'T BE NOISE?

I'LL SEE WHERE YOUR DRINK IS.

AND HE'S JUST AT HIS FRONT DOOR WHEN I COME UP...

- JUST LET OFF IN A TAX INSPECTRESS'S FACE.
- LET OFF?

"FROM ALAN PARTRIDGE."

NICE AND OUT OF THE WAY.

THEY'RE LOVELY AT THAT AGE.

INDEED, DISUSED COTTON MILK
AND LEGALISED HARD-CORE PORNOGRAPHY

I HAVE A MILITARY-BASED QUIZ SHOW ON CABLE TV
CALLED "SKIRMISH", AND A GIRLFRIEND.

I'VE NOT THOUGHT IT THROUGH, LYNN.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

YEAH, VERY FIRM. MINE ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME,
JUST FRACTIONALLY MORE FLACCID.

I'M GOING.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU, LYNN.

- MORNING.
- HELLO, ALAN.

I FAINTED THREE TIMES.

LISTEN, JUST TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP, YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU MAKE THOSE SORT OF RISQUE COMMENTS,

- SO WE'RE FRIENDS?
- BEST FRIENDS.