(HUGH) WHERE DID THAT COW COME FROM?
FARMERS!

HI, I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE AND I DRIVE A CAR,
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

I AM TECHNICALLY A GUEST
AND YOU FAILED TO CONTROL ME.

..MAMMARY GLANDS.

MR PARTRIDGE, UM...

LOADS OF WOMEN TALKING BLABBERING CRAP?

I WANT A SIX-MONTH CONTRACT AT THE BBC
TO MAKE TELEVISION PROGRAMMES.

- SHALL I PUT THESE ON THE TAB?
- I WISH I COULD AFFORD A TAB!

I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

THANK YOU, PETER BAXENDALE THOMAS.

YOU MEAN THEM TRANSEXUALS? I'VE SEEN THEM
BUT THEY'RE DISGUSTING. I KEPT AWAY FROM THEM.

TONY HAYERS.

WELL, HE'D EATEN ALL MY FAGS.
IT WAS A PACKET OF 200 DUTY-FREES.

WHY HAVE YOU GOT A SHOWER CURTAIN ON?

IT'S A BIT DIFFICULT 'CAUSE...

THAT'S LOVELY. THAT'S FIRST-CLASS.

- WHEN I'VE SEEN YOU DEPRESSED...
- NOT ME!

- BUT I'M NOT A SEX OFFENDER.
- WE'VE GOT THAT IN COMMON.