HE KEEPS SAYING THAT.

I WANT A SIX-MONTH CONTRACT AT THE BBC
TO MAKE TELEVISION PROGRAMMES.

- WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE BEATLES ALBUM?
- TOUGH ONE.

- WHAT YOU GET UP TO IN HERE, IT'S YOUR BUSINESS.
- I DON'T GET UP TO ANYTHING!

- CAN YOU REALLY?
- YEAH.

I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE.
L HOST "NORFOLK NIGHTS" ON RADIO NORWICH

IF THEY WERE THAT CLEVER,
THEY'D KNOW THAT THING THEY CHASE ISN'T A RABBIT.

RIGHT, THEN.

ANYWHERE DOWN THE CENTRAL LINE,
ALL THE MAJOR ORGANS ARE KEPT.

- JESUS WAS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.
- WAS HE? JESUS WASN'T BROWN.

- COULD I HAVE A SANDWICH, PLEASE?
- YES.

MASSACRE. URGH! NOT PLAYING THAT AGAIN.

IN YOUR CASE, DRUGS. FOR ALAN, CHOCOLATE.

- YOU'RE NEARLY FIF...
- WERE YOU GOING TO SAY I'M NEARLY FIFTY?

WHAT?

(HUGH) WHERE DID THAT COW COME FROM?
FARMERS!

ANYONE WHO KNOWS US
MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS ME INSIDE THERE.

IF YOU DO K, Y AND Z, BOB'S YOUR UNCLE.