I'M NOT DRIVING A MINI METRO, I'M NOT DRIVING
A MINI METRO, I'M NOT DRIVING A MINI METRO.

YES, I DO. AND THE BOOKS AREN'T BEING INCINERATED,
THEY'RE BEING PULPED.

TOILET DOOR BALANCED
ON A BLACK & DECKER WORKMATE EFFECT.

- HOW LONG DID YOU PUT THIS IN FOR?
- EIGHT MINUTES.

"THEY STARTED BADLY, THEY GOT WORSE.
OOH, YOUR PROGRAMMES, YOUR PROGRAMMES."

BECAUSE IT REPRESENT MY LOVE FOR ALAN.

BUT CAN THEY ORDER AN IRISH COFFEE AT 3 A.M.
AND GET IT DELIVERED TO THEIR BEDROOM?

(MUSIC PLAYS)

"JOIN ME TONIGHT WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE"...
L DON'T KNOW, "CHRIS REA."

I RECOMMEND YOU START WITH A COUPLE OF JOKES.

THE TRAIN FOR LOWESTOFT IS ON PLATFORM FOUR.

MARVELLOUS.

(IMITATES ACCENT)..PYROTECHNICS.

IF YOU COULD ASK FOR MY AUTOGRAPH THEN
AND SHAKE MY HAND...LATER!

- I'M MONICA. THIS IS CATHERINE.
- HI.

YOU DON'T NEED BEAUTY SLEEP. WELL, FORTY WINKS.

IT'S JUST A TITLE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU MANAGED IT.
SHE WAS A BIT OF A HEFFALUMP, GOD REST HER SOUL.