NOT THAT THE BBC WOULD COMMISSION IT.

HELLO, LYNN.

- I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
- I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND.

OH, YOUR AGE. WELL, HAMILTON'S HAVE...

HOW DOES THAT WORK ON RADIO?

CAN'T GET ME TOE ON THE TRIGGER. OH, GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT, MY LOVE?

IT'S LIKE THE RUDYARD KIPLING POEM,
"IF". YOU KNOW THAT?

I PRESENT A MILITARY-BASED QUIZ SHOW
ON A DAYTIME DIGITAL CHANNEL CALLED UK CONQUEST.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME, LYNN?

CHEERS.

YES. I THINK I'LL HAVE
THE FETTUCCINI A L'ARRABBIATA, PLEASE.

I LOVE THE GADGETS. PAY ATTENTION, BOND.
SIMPLY REMOVE THE TOP OF THIS PEN...

GOOD ONE. ARROWS ARE DECEITFUL.

- CERTAINLY.
- YEAH. YOU ROBOT.

POP YOU IN THE BOOT
AND DUMP YOU IN THE NORTH SEA.

- YOU'VE GOT IT ON THE VALANCE.
- ON THE WHAT?

THE "DAILY MAIL"?
ARGUABLY THE BEST NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD.