(PHONE)

IT'S SO NICE THAT YOUR FANS CAN MEET YOU.

IT'S VERY FAKE, ISN'T IT?

IT'S STILL CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.
SEE YOU IN STRASBOURG.

- ANDREW.
- A FRIEND OF LYNN'S FROM THE CHURCH?

GOOD ONE.

ASK YOURSELF TWO QUESTIONS - HOW AND WHY?

YOU'VE GOT WONDER ABOUT A MAN WHO SITS
IN A PETROL STATION ALL DAY TALKING TO OTHER MEN.

IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING IN THE LIFT
THAT NO MONEY WOULD CHANGE HANDS.

ALAN, WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE NERVOUS.

YES, I AM. FOR TREASON AND MURDER.

- THESE ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE.
- SHE WEARS NO MAKE-UP!

YEAH. THEY'RE RUINED. EXCUSE ME.

WHAT DO YOU RECKON?
"3 P.M. AN AFTERNOON WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE,"

I WANT YOU TO POUR A LITTLE BIT,
LET ME SIP IT, AND THEN POUR THE REST.

PUT IT ON AN HOUR BEFORE,
BOB'S YOUR UNCLE, YOU'VE GOT A DEEP BATH.

OR DO YOU GENUINELY LIKE ME, SEX-WISE?

OOH, A DEAD DADDY-LONG-LEGS.