- WHO'S TOM DONALDSON?
- JUST A MATE.

ACTUALLY, BEING YOUR AGE AND EVERYTHING,
THERE'S PROBABLY NO NEED FOR THEM.

NO. THAT'S A RAZOR.
COULD HAVE DONE WITH THAT FOR THE CRACKLING.

THEY'RE WORN BY SADDAM HUSSEIN,

# IT'S THE KISS OF DEATH

YOU MUST HAVE PRESSED
THE BUTTON THAT SAYS "YES".

I HATE ARCHERS, "THE ARCHERS" AND JEFFREY ARCHER.
YOU'RE ALL DECEITFUL COWARDS.

IDEA FOR A PROGRAMME,
"LADY SHAPES WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE".

I WANT A SIX-MONTH CONTRACT AT THE BBC
TO MAKE TELEVISION PROGRAMMES.

BYE.

MY POINT IS THAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR THE POSITIVES IN YOUR BOOK,

I NEVER THOUGHT, WHEN I WAS IN MY 20S,
I'D HAVE TO PUSH.

THAT'S WHY I'M TALKING.

YOU TELL TAX PEOPLE THEY WON'T FIND YOUR MONEY?

THEY ARE OBLIGED TO CONTRACT OUT

ACTUALLY, I AM SPEECHLESS.

A FRIED BREAKFAST MAKES AN EXCELLENT APHRODISIAC.
EXCUSE ME.

I DON'T WANT ALIENS TO SEE THIS FROM SPACE.
IT WILL BE EMBARRASSING.