AND I'LL BE ALAN PARTRIDGE!

- I AM.
- WILL YOU INTRODUCE ME?

I'M STILL DRINKING IT.

I WAS AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE.

"
THAT SOUNDS DISCONCERTINGLY VAGUE.

GET OFF!

- POINT HIM OUT TO ME.
- HE'S GOT A BEARD.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOUGHT THIS PAINTING.

YOU TELL TAX PEOPLE THEY WON'T FIND YOUR MONEY?

WHEN I SAT DOWN, I LOOKED UP AND REALISED
IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN PETER PURVES.

BUT I DIDN'T KILL HIM, THAT WAS THE TRAGEDY,
I HAD TO GO BACK AND FINISH HIM OFF WITH A JACK.

HELPING EVERYONE RELAX IN "ALAN'S DEEP BATH".

YOU'VE GOT TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION, ALAN.
THERE'S A LOT OF LADIES IN HERE TONIGHT.

I'LL LOOK BACK ON THAT
AS AN EXCELLENT PRACTICAL JOKE.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE COW EARLIER.
YOU'RE NOT A COW.

CALM DOWN, LYNN!
YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM MINOR WOMEN'S WHIPLASH.

IT'S THE BALL THING YOU HAVE IN WASHING MACHINES.

- THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM?
- THAT'S ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT.