LYNN? WHAT THE FRIG HAVE YOU GOT ON YOUR FEET?

- WHAT A FUNNY STORY.
- ALAN'S FUNNY STORIES!

HELLO? ER, YES, HE IS.
DID HE GIVE YOU MY NUMBER?

NO.

I'M SORRY FOR SAYING YOU WERE FAT.
YOU'RE JUST BIG-BONED.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

# CURLY, BLACK AND KINKY

- LOVELY PHRASE, VERY SIMPLE, VERY MOVING.
- ALAN, IT'S A BOAT VIDEO.

DID YOU SEE ALL THAT?

SOMETHING TO PITCH TO TONY HAYERS
AT BBC LUNCH, FRIDAY.

- NEXT?
- 11.05, "FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE".

I'LL TELL YOU AN ANECDOTE!

IT'S A GOOD JOB YOU WEREN'T HERE
FIVE MINUTES AGO. LISTEN TO THIS.

HANG ON, HANG ON.

SO WHY NOT GET YOUR ARSES DOWN
TO THE SPICE MUSEUM IN LONG STANTON?"

I CAN'T MANAGE A WHOLE ONE. FANCY SOME?

JED, I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU.

NO. THAT'S A RAZOR.
COULD HAVE DONE WITH THAT FOR THE CRACKLING.