HE'S THE CHIEF COMMISSIONING EDITOR
OF BBC TELEVISION.

DID YOU SEND SOPHIE A VALENTINE'S CARD?

I'M SORRY. WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE MUG.

HE DRINKS THAT YELLOW STUFF IN TINS. HE'S AN IDIOT!

- CHEESE SANDWICH.
- RIGHT.

THEN I'D LOOK FOR TOM DONALDSON.
I'D BE HOVERING JUST DOWN THE ROAD FROM HIS HOUSE

- WHAT'S HER NAME?
- IT'S A HE.

JUST TO REASSURE YOU,
THE QUEEN IS NOT DEAD.

JUST CRUDE, LIKE...

SO IN THE END IT WAS TELEVISION THAT KILLED HIM.

SCENE 13, TAKE 3,

I, ALAN PARTRIDGE,
TALK TO M.E. SUFFERERS ABOUT THEIR CONDITION.

WHAT? THAT'S TERRIBLE!

(BANG)

BANG!

THIS IS A LAUGH. SECURITY CARD. HELLO, SECURITY?

- I'D HAVE AN APACHE ATTACK HELICOPTER.
- OH, GREAT.

DID THEY GET YOU ON THE OLD JEANS RULE? NAZIS!