- I'M OFFERING YOU SOMETHING TO EAT.
- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

LET MYSELF IN. NEEDED THE TOILET.

BUT WITH THE APOLOGY YOU'RE ABOUT TO GIVE,
I'M SURE YOU CAN DIG YOURSELF OUT OF THIS UGLY HOLE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
DID YOU NOTICE ANYTHING ABOUT THE BOX?

OH!

- LYNN, I'M NOT DRIVING A MINI METRO.
- BUT YOU DO HAVE TO MAKE SUBSTANTIAL SAVINGS.

- HAVE YOU READ MY BOOK?
- NO, BUT I'VE SEEN THE PHOTOGRAPHS.

HI, I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE AND I DRIVE A CAR,
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

- HAVE YOU MET JANE?
- YEAH. I'VE DONE HER.

- LYNN, THAT IS NOT A PENIS.
- IT'S THE BEST I COULD DO.

- YEAH,
- I'LL REPLICATE THE COVER STANCE.

(DRUM MACHINE PLAYS)

- HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- TWENTY-FIVE.

- DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK.
- IT'S CARDIOVASCULAR EXERCISE.

OH...BUTTER MY ARSE!

IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?

..MAMMARY GLANDS.

TELL YOU WHAT AMUSES ME, MICHAEL,
IS WHEN PEOPLE CRITICISE MY BOOK