I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE BUY IT.

- ONE YANK, ALL GONE!
- WE DON'T OWE YOU A LIVING.

- HI. I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE.
- PIET.

IT FLUSHED ON THE FIRST YANK! I LOVE THIS HOUSE!

THIS COUNTY.

COME BACK! I'LL RIP YOUR BLOODY HEAD OFF!

THEY'RE ALL RUBBISH, SO TAKE YOUR PICK.

- ALL RIGHT, ALAN...
- HIS COFFIN LID OPENS WITH A CREAK.

- I CAN DO YOU A CUP OF BEANS.
- A CUP OF BEANS?

TWO EQUALLY HOT,
BUT DIFFERENTLY-SHAPED POTATOES.

TO PICK UP A TOP-OF-THE-RANGE
BANG & OLUFSEN STEREO SYSTEM.

NOW WHEN WE MAKE LOVE, HE IS LIKE A BIG BEAR.

ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SAME TIME TOMORROW.

WOLVES AT THE DOOR. YOU'LL HUFF
AND YOU'LL PUFF AND... WHERE'S THE OTHER PIG?

HE NEARLY SOILED HIMSELF! HE LAUGHED SO MUCH
HE HAD KENCO COMING OUT OF HIS NOSTRILS.

SORRY. I SHOULDN'T TOUCH MEMBERS OF STAFF

I ALSO RANG ALL THE COMPANIES
ON THE PRODUCT LIST YOU GAVE ME.

- COME IN.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.