AAGH!

ALAN, WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE NERVOUS.

THAT'S A MILLION POUNDS!

- IT'S THE BEHAVIOUR OF A DOSSER.
- A DOSSER?

IT'S ALAN PARTRIDGE. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

AND HE WAS ONLY THREE.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, DO GIVE ME A CALL.

OOH, A DEAD DADDY-LONG-LEGS.

NOT CORIAN, A MAN-MADE MARBLE SUBSTITUTE?

STEPHEN, WHAT WAS IT LIKE LIVING WITH...BEING
THE SON OF THE MAN WHO INVENTED CATS EYES?

I WAS READING THE BOOK OF GENESIS THE OTHER DAY.
THAT BLOODY SNAKE!

BUT CAN THEY ORDER AN IRISH COFFEE AT 3 A.M.
AND GET IT DELIVERED TO THEIR BEDROOM?

I PRESENT A MILITARY-BASED QUIZ SHOW
ON A DAYTIME DIGITAL CHANNEL CALLED UK CONQUEST.

- MINI-MART?
- SCALED-DOWN SUPERMARKET IN A PETROL STATION.

HELLO, CHRIS. ARE YOU DEAD?

-..AND WHO LEFT THIS COFFEE CUP HERE?
- SORRY, I MEANT TO CLEAN IT LAST NIGHT.

I BROUGHT YOU SOME MORE STATIONERY.
I'LL JUST PUT IT IN THE DRAWER.

WE COULD CALL IT
"AROUND THE WORLD WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE