YOU DON'T SOUND IT. I WISH YOU WERE.

YOU BLONDE BASTARD...FROM THE FUTURE.

I LIKE THE ASTROTURF THEY PLACE ON THE WOOD THERE.

IN THE BATHROOM,

FROM LOUGHBOROUGH UNIVERSITY.

("GAUDETE" BY STEELEYE SPAN,
SUNG IN LATIN)

- OK. ALAN, I LOVE YOU.
- THANKS A LOT.

I'VE GOT A CLEAN LICENCE.

I AM GOING TO PRESENT A CORPORATE VIDEO
FOR HAMILTON'S WATER BREAKS.

- WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?
- THE TRAIN FOR LOWESTOFT.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

- DO YOU WANT TO PUT SOMETHING ON?
- YES.

- WE'LL BE OFF, THEN.
- GREAT.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR IMPENDING
HOMELESSNESS AND I'VE COME TO A DECISION.

IDEA FOR A PROGRAMME,
"LADY SHAPES WITH ALAN PARTRIDGE".

ALAN, YOU MUST MEET MY LADY WIFE CERI.

THAT'S ONE OF THOSE '80S ONES.
BLACK GRANITE. IT'S A WASTE, REALLY.

TONIGHT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT COFFEE.
THEY'RE OPENING A STARBUCKS ON BEACHY HEAD.