- GRAFFITI? WHAT, IN THE HOTEL?
- NO, THERE'S NEVER ANY GRAFFITI IN THE HOTEL.

DON'T SHINE THAT TORCH IN MY FACE, MATE.
I'VE JUST LOST A PINT OF BLOOD.

(GEORDIE ACCENT)
AYE-AYE, MR PARTRIDGE, MORNING.

HI, I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE AND I DRIVE A CAR,
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

- SORRY, SPLIDDING?
- YES. SPLIDDING, YOU KNOW.

SUPER-BEINGS, REALLY.

OPENING SEQUENCE - ME IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE
FEEDING THE PIGEONS, GOING, "OH, GOD!"

COFFEE MACHINES ARE THE FUTURE, LYNN.
KETTLES ARE SAD.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MR PARTRIDGE?

WELL, THEY WERE WHEN I LOOKED THIS MORNING.

MR PARTRIDGE, UM...

(ALAN) LET'S GO!

- WE DON'T DO THAT.
- THE WET T-SHIRT THINGS.

(ALAN) DON'T WORRY, LYNN, I'LL PLAY IT DOWN.

- DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
- YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THIS PROTRUSION
IS A GOOD OR BAD THING.

- IF IT WAS YOU COULD ADD A ZERO TO THAT,
- SEVENTY QUID?

OR THEY'D SIMPLY GO FOR A HEAD SHOT.